I find my mind often drawing a blank lately; and I decided to use this space to document this and look back that I had moments like this. I refer to these moments when I want to tell a lot of things but my mind is just too tired to put those stories into just one coherent post. There are times I just want to write random stuff and want to know if some random reader would find my banter worth reading. So here goes my “just because” entry today.
I went outside yesterday. I thank God for the need to see my dentist that I got to force myself to go out and see the world outside my room. I thank God that I got to escape that usual space and all the thoughts in my head entrapped with it. I got the chance to let my mind wander.
I remember looking out of the car window on my way to my dentist. A year past the outbreak of the pandemic last March 2020, it pained me to see the once busy streets of Makati turn to a quiet, deserted place. I had my share of my wins and losses in that place. I have learned to love that city; yet as I stay seated and allowed myself to be absorbed in all those memories, I realized that I really had to say goodbye to the life I once had. I have to move forward and forget the old looks, the old ways, the old scenarios and some of the people along with them. I realized I had to say goodbye.
Makati was the city where I walked a lot. I kid you not, when you work in that city, you have to prepare yourself for a lot of walking. My walks in that place tired me out, but it made me strong; but walking the streets yesterday, I realized that I have walked those streets enough. I cannot force to relive the memories and hope to stay there when God placed me in another place now. Makati has been home to me for 7 years, and I guess that was about that. I had my closure my yesterday. It was my home then, but just a place I’ll visit every now and then, moving forward.
I guess the same applies to people. There were people who played a big part of my life until 2020, but suddenly was out of the picture this 2021. They were my home before, but I guess they also turned to people I will just get to visit and see from time to time because just as I am moving, they are, too.
I have moved a lot when I was in Makati; even more than I expected. Along the way, I moved in and with different people too, and those people have moved from season to season in their lives as well. So I guess my letter today is about my closure with places, people, and memories that I have to let go as I gradually accept the changes that happened, and has to happen with the pandemic. Maybe the reason I came back here in the metro is to bid goodbye and prepare me to the next place that God called me to.
So from here, where do I go, Lord? Who do I meet? Where do you send me to?
From then to now, where You tell me to go, I’ll go.